put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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