you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
