Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
