this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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