Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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