its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
