Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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