Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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