Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
