its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
