Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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