Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
