i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
