If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm always down for nudity.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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