When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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