Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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