God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
