i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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