Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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