CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
