i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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