This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
