He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
