i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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