watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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