I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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