and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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