please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
