considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
do nipples grow back?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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