I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
