kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
