"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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