My hair reeks of homosexuality.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The uberlube is also flammable
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
