dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
