I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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