oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
