Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
operation have a gay friend backfired
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
