i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hippo gnu deer
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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