Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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