haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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