Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
