You really coming over, don't trick.
nut hugger
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize