i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
