umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
