Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
