The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
