can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
