wat bout pragnant strippers??
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
