Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
