My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
