So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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