So drunk its hurt
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
