Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
