i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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