new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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