This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
