Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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