Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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