it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
