At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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