My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
