Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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