Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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