I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
