I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
