Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
