I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
