I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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