i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
